Saturday, November 15, 2008

Grief and Blessings

Yesterday I learned that a friend died. She actually died more than a year ago, but I didn't know. That was a big awakening for me - that in my daily busy-ness, I need to remember to connect with the people with whom I share a heart connection. I am glad, at least, that we had a very sweet time together not so very long before she died.

There has been a lot of mourning in my life, particularly in the last couple of years. An Uncle died suddenly of a cardiac arrest. His wife, my Mom's sister, is still in mourning. She doesn't want to be alone. I know why. It's because she feels her grief more when she is alone. I understand it helps to have support. I also know that mourning, in the end, is a lonely process.

My cat friend Misty died 16 months ago. I cried a lot alone in the evenings for most of a year. Every time I cried, Misty was present and comforting me. Even when I laughed, she showed up, thinking that I was crying (I guess the laughter sounded a lot like crying).

I am writing a book about animals, their souls, and their dying. It brings back all the wonderful animals who have shared my life and home, and I have grieved again for each of them as I write.

Not so long ago, Misty came and told me she wants to come back to me in a new body. Then another cat friend, Samantha, who died when Misty was about 5, said she also wants to come back. And then Coco, one of the dogs who lived with Misty, Sam and I, said "Me too!". I had to tell them to wait a bit, so I can make a place for all of us (right now I live in a very small apartment). There is life after death!

I also have mourned my own limitations, which have been quite present in the past year and a half, with two foot surgeries and a great deal of pain. Thankfully, I have found ways to minimize pain and inflammation. I am stubborn, and I refuse to live on anti-inflammatory drugs or even worse, methotrexate or Enbril or Humera. Through diet, and natural supplements, I can move through my days and through my life. Hurray!

Through letting go of people and things, I have learned to open my heart even more to receive the blessings. And that is a good thing.

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